Maybe my home is in the sky.

My heart is safe for the first time. And, whole, in my own chest. My only victory is when my best friend and I talk on a front porch of a house we can never find. She says, "I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of you. I've seen you grow. You're so much stronger now." That's the recognition I crave. I just want people to see how much I have changed. I don't get that much, here. I'm still seen as the girl that I was when I was a couple of years ago. I got a late start of growing up; I didn't experience a lot until I was just over two decades old. I moved to the big city a year later and now I'm back, and I'm different. I'm more confident; I am not as shy as I once was. I had to get over my insecurities and had to learn to speak up. I'm in love with the people that I met in the big city because they took me in and never pushed me out. I enjoyed maturity and I wanted more. I took back my first heart break because I was still weak from him that I didn't want to get back up to fall for someone else. With his toothbrush next to mine, some say it was my biggest mistake. Really, it wasn't a mistake at all. What if always had the best of me. I always wanted to be in love and I thought it would bring me comfort, but it didn't. Before, I was always lonely and all I wanted was someone to love me. But I'm only okay alone it seems. I'm finally okay with that. All of the jealousy made me regress into someone I never want to be. But, I'm in love again, maybe for the first time. This feels a lot different with someone with fire in his eyes. It feels clear, pure red. No matter what you do or don't do, it effects me not.  No one understands either. I'm always taking up for you, saying you're just misunderstood. You're not as horrible as people think. I guess I understand you; as you get me. Sometimes, I wish I could talk to you about things but I know it's apart of your plan of protection. Even though I want for people to recognize that I'm stronger, that's all I have ever wanted. I know I'm strong and I have to be. But, everyone always assumes that I can protect myself. I don't  always want to be strong, I want someone to stand up for me. You've always done so. You want the best for me and maybe deep down you've always assumed that's not you. But that's exactly why I love you. Because, I'm not used to anyone thinking that way. We may never be, but it'll be okay. This love doesn't leave me sad and lonely. Maybe, this is the best kind of love. I am happier alone. At least, I know now that I'm capable of this feeling. I'm not sure what I want anymore or what I want or where I want to be or what I want to do. I'm happy; I'm just not happy here because I have never felt at home here. I do want to find my own place someday. Maybe one day I'll have somewhere I belong, Someone to call my own; someone I don't have to share. Someone that won't throw me away because of my flaws; Someone that will make me feel safe, and not an unwanted child or an outsider. I know that won't happen anytime soon. I still have a lot to see and people to meet, people to leave. I'm just glad this love changed me and someone sees it. Maybe my home is in the sky.